Thursday, July 28, 2005

dammit. woke up late.. again. i just got in, which means halfday na naman ako.. haaay.

i rode on the bus, and a mother and her daughter sat next to me. i din't mean to eavesdrop, but since they weren't exactly whispering, i involuntarily found myself listening to their conversation. they were talking about boys and family and life in general.. which made me think of my own mom.

mommy left for the states when i was just 7. daddy had left a year before, and during that time, they were having problems na pala, so she had to leave to find work, which she did eventually. she remarried a few years later, when i was 12 or 13 i think. she now lives in NY with tito tony, my stepdad and katlin, my stepsis. she's 10 years younger than me. they come home every 2-3 years, and we communicate often; mom calls us regularly, and this december katlin told me they'd be visiting here again.

now don't get me wrong. i'm not the least bit angry with her for leaving her the way she did. i understand the fact that she had to, and for that i have nothing but love and respect for her.. it's just that i often wonder what it would have felt like growing up with her here. coming home from school and spending time with her, going out on weekends to wherever.. i din't get to experience what it was like. i'm thankful for my lolas and lolo for raising us like we were their own. they were more of a parent than my mom and dad ever were. maybe that's why i don't entertain the thought of leaving them to go to mommy, although that topic has been discussed endlessly over the years. it's not that i don't love my mom.. it's just that i love nanay more.

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