the way i am (a.k.a. a look at myself after listening to that damn eminem song)

Friday, April 27, 2007

i've been many things to many people.. a tireless comic. a loyal friend. a devoted boyfriend. a friendly EX-boyfriend. a rabid sex toy (ok, that's a bit of wishful thinking on my part but wtf) i've been and still am all these things and more. each one of these makes up the whole of my being.

there are days when i can just talk your head off and keep on going (despite your aforementioned decapitated head rolling off somewhere), days when i can just use up humungous amounts of energy and not miss a beat.

i can make you laugh hysterically with a mere quip; i can make your head spin with my ideas. i can take any topic and find humor or seriousness in it and make you see it from my eyes.

i can be really friendly at times; to the point that you'd feel we've been friends since we were kids eventhough i only met you a couple of hours before. i can put you at ease and make you feel not a care in the world.

i can be efficient and industrious, a perfectionist sometimes. i can be confident, and i can make you believe that anything is possible when you put your mind to it. i can be supportive, through good times and bad.

i can be sweet and affectionate. i can make you feel like you're the most important person in my life because in all probability, you really are. i can make you feel loved like you wouldn't believe.

i am all these things because i am me. that is just who i am.

but like in all things, duality exists. i am no exception.

i can be a complete asshole. a slacker. a constant source of irritation.

i can be awfully quiet at times, often appearing to be passive on stuff that you say or do. there are times when i just wanna sit down in a corner and be left the fuck alone because that's just who i am. at least, in the solitude of my own world, i can't say or do anything to make you feel bad.

i can cut you down with words as easy as snapping a finger. i can spew off insults whenever you say or do stupid things because that's just who i am. at least i don't pretend that everything's okay with me when in fact they aren't.

i can be antisocial at times. times when i won't even spare a "hi" when i see you. i can be pretty hotheaded and rude even to friends, especially when you said or did something i din't like. for me, the closer we are to each other, the less patience i have for you. you know me better, so you're not supposed to do the things you know will piss me off. i think that way because that's just who i am. at least i try to make up for it afterwards.

i can be as lazy as a sunday afternoon. days when i just wanna lie down and do absolutely nothing instead of going out and partying. i bum around because that's just who i am. at least when it's crunchtime, i deliver on my promises.

i can be insensitive and uncaring. i can make you feel absolutely inadequate and unimportant, especially if we argue because i don't want to spoil you too much. people need to learn to fight for themselves no matter the circumstances. i use strong words when we discuss things because that's just who i am. at least i don't sugarcoat things, i just say it like it is.

i wish i could be the person everybody expects me to be, but the reality is, i can't be. not all the time. i wish i could explain to everybody why i act this way one minute, another the next but i can't. it doesn't mean i LIKE being this way. i'm trying really hard to change some of the negative things about me but it's just not that easy. hey, at least i can sincerely say that i'm making an effort even if people can't or won't see it.

now i wish i had a point to this entry. a nugget of wisdom i can share for those who patiently read this, but i don't. as i'm typing the closing section of this rant all i can think of is "fuck off, idiot". excuses i have none, my profanity asks of no apology to anyone.

i don't care what you think of the stuff i just wrote because that's just who i am.

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1 comments

  1. dude, so eminem. lol. thanks for the heads up. i know the easiest way to piss you off next time. ^_^

    ReplyDelete

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