gut feel.

Monday, January 28, 2008

me and some friends are planning a trip to zambales this coming weekend so yesterday me, the sister and karen went to glorietta to look for swim stuff. i had a bit of a problem choosing mine tho, because i have a big problem in the form of a slight unsavory bulge in my anatomy. no, not THAT bulge you dirty, stupid person. i was talking about my tummy area.
i mean seriously. i've had this problem since i was a little kid. of course back then i din't consider it a problem because kids don't worry about those things right? i mean, you don't hear 8-year-old boys go "hey man! lookit my new spiderman shirt! also, check out these six-packs!" you ask me, i blame heredity. my dad has about a gazillion fat genes that he unfortunately passed on to me. almost a year ago he sent us a picture of himself and he weighed close to 300 pounds. and he had no neck. that night i sat in the dark, lit a candle and slashed my palm with a knife (sterilized, of course), and made a bloodoath to never EVER get that fat.


so far i've stayed under 200 pounds but for the life of me, i can't understand why my stomach refuses to shrink. i've tried almost everything, from playing badminton 3 times a week to carbs abstinence to outright starving myself, to no avail. mister gut is perpetually visible, mocking me with its cruel, ugly folds. and don't get me started on those so-called "love handles". never was a day that i din't go through multiple shirt changes when getting ready for work or going out because of my midsection dilemma.

am i doomed to a lifetime of regular bouts with insecurity and self-doubt because of it? what is the big deal anyways? so you have a flat, muscled stomach. who cares? sure they are pretty to look at but do they serve any other purpose other than the aesthetic?

a "chubby" tummy meanwhile, can be any of the following:

• a pillow for your loved ones (try that with muscles!)
• body armor that can lessen the impact of physical attacks (to the midsection anyways)
• a smooth expanse of skin for painting (as opposed to a bumpy one from six-packs)
• floatation device for swimming

ok fine, i am sourgraping. so sue me. god, if you're listening, make me tummy smaller? please? i don't have enough money for liposuction.

fuck.

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5 comments

  1. Or you can draw abs on your tummy?

    Heh.

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  2. ten: i am on the verge of insanity and you ridicule me? you are insensitive, woman!

    ReplyDelete
  3. my MD brother will specialize in surgery... the 'fun' kind of surgery. (or so he says..) but you have to wait about three more years until he finishes his residency. c",) nip then tuck...

    ReplyDelete
  4. seriously? I thought only girls had this kind of insecurity. hehe.. You could always try a bagillion crunches a day. Or just a hundred.. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  5. ohme: i can't wait three more years! can't he perform surgery on me now? i promise if i die i won't press charges.

    z: so you think women have the monopoly on crazy notions? whatta sexist you are. we men are sensitive too!

    ReplyDelete

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